OPERATION KYOUTAMA
by KSFWolfe
Summary: A request for my friend Kiwi. Hikaru and Kaoru play matchmakers to Kyouya and Tamaki...and madness ensues. KyouTama, some HikaKao. Enjoy!


IT'S FINALLY DONE OH MY GOD.

This is a request from my friend, Kiwikaiwii on her deviantART page, who wanted some KyouTama with HikaKao on the side. ^^ It's taken forever, BUT HERE IT IS, KIWI.

It's somewhat OOC and cheesy in places, but I did my best. Hope you like it, honey! :3

DISCLAIMER IS DISCLAIMING. OURAN BELONGS TO BISCO HATORI

* * *

There was that typical evil glint in Kyouya's eyes as he gazed serenely around the Third Music Room.

Honey was shrieking in delight as a stony-faced Mori swung him around about six feet in the air. Hikaru was baking cookies on a stove that had randomly appeared, and Kaoru was yelling at him that _no, the batter is _not_ supposed to be shooting up in the air, put a lid on the blender, stupid!_

Haruhi was patiently trying to tell the squabbling twins that _cookie batter isn't supposed to be in a blender; what on earth are you doing?_ But they weren't listening to her.

But Tamaki, TAMAKI was wreaking the most havoc of all the careless idiots crowding the room; he had dragged a karaoke machine into the place and was now screeching away at pitches that would make dogs, bats, and crystal-stemmed wine glasses cry. He may actually have been singing _well,_ but the amp was so maladjusted (Hikaru had been fiddling with it; small wonder) that the keening wails coming from the speakers were making the large bow windows tremble.

Amid all the chaos, destruction, and potential destruction, Kyouya smiled. He jotted down a couple notes in his small notepad, and surveyed the area. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, and the light from the chandelier glittered off them. He had the air of an evil villain in some manga; it was an image he worked hard to maintain.

"Kyou-ya-AH!" Honey yelped, his voice going up and down as Mori swung him in circles. "Lo-OK OW-T!"

Kyouya turned, to see Honey flying at him, Mori somewhat sadly trying to direct the blonde boy in a direction other than Kyouya's face…the black haired bespectacled teen managed just in time to duck.

Honey's foot clipped the chandelier, dripping with crystals, sending the whole thing crashing to the ground. Bits of shattered glass went everywhere, Honey was floated safely to the floor by an apologetic looking Mori, Kaoru shrieked and leapt into Hikaru's arms, at the same time that Hikaru yelped and ducked for cover behind Haruhi, who had crouched behind the stove to avoid the glass…all three of them collapsed in a heap while the cookies burned slowly.

Kyouya raised his head to view the damage.

Tamaki was standing in the middle of the warzone, holding his buzzing mic and smiling, astonished. "Whoa, whoa whoa!" he yelled, astounded, "I've heard that really good singers can break glass with their voices, but I didn't expect to on my first try!"

Kyouya threw his notebook at the beaming blonde. "Oh, be quiet, you idiot."

XXX

"…there's only one thing to do, then."

Kaoru cocked his head to one side and looked questioningly at his twin. "Hmm?"

"You heard Kyouya complaining about funds today. And as much revenue as pictures of our beautiful Haruhi brings in" -Kaoru nodded affirmative- "The female population of the school needs new material. Something…_never seen before_."

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. Hikaru could sound very much like a business man at times.

"And do you know what the one thing that's new?"

"No," Kaoru said, wishing that Hikaru would get to the point.

"_We need to get Kyouya and Tamaki together. ASAP."_

Kaoru choked on…drat; he wasn't eating anything. He choked on oxygen. "Wai-_WHAT!"_

"Oh, come on." Hikaru waved an arm. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed. Our Lord's head over heels with Kyouya. And Kyouya's pretty far gone himself. The latter party just needs to figure it all out."

"Kyouya…I'm sorry, Hikaru, but I cannot think of a better definition of _straight male_ than Kyouya."

"Oh, Kaoru…" Hikaru laughed gently, brushing a finger along the other's cheek, "you can be adorably naïve at times."

Kaoru sighed.

XXX

**Hitachiin Secret Service: Operation FLYING STARS OF YAOI~!**

**Description: To establish long term romantic relations between Ootori Kyouya and Suou Tamaki within a week in order to ensure the happiness of Our Lord and Our Mother and replenish club funds. By replenishing funds, save Mother from cardiac arrest. **

**STEP ONE; Follow. **

Slyly, like a ninja, Hikaru slid around the corner. His socked feet made no sound on the marble floors, and he had on a dark hat to cover his bright red hair.

Of course, it was the middle of the afternoon and he was in plain sight hair or not, but the Hitachiin had always had a flair for the dramatic.

Kyouya was standing by the window, talking irritably into cell phone.

"…No, Tamaki, I will_ not_ come pick you up. You walked there; walk back. …Yes, yes; that's what I said. I can't possibly- Taking exams. Exactly. ….Absolutely not! Honey and Mori are at the dojo. I am not going to disturb them when they're practicing…yes. _Precisely. _…I have no idea where Hikaru is…or Haruhi. In Calculus. Look…"

There was a long silence. Hikaru could faintly here Tamaki pleading through the phone.

Kyouya's face was undergoing a lot of contortions that looked like he was trying to frown and not smile all while slowly being guilt-tripped into doing whatever Tamaki wanted.

"…..Fine."

Hikaru had to cover his mouth so as not to laugh. Tamaki really had the tall financier wrapper around his finger.

"But I can't get there for at least fifteen minutes. Don't expect me to get in the car now…mmm. _Goodbye."_

Kyouya rolled his eyes and put away the phone. Then he began walking down the halls towards the entrance.

Hikaru let a giggle escape. Of course Kyouya was going right to the garage. He would be at Tamaki's side in less than five minutes if the speed limits on the highway would allow.

He slid down the hall after Kyouya, ducking into alcoves and behind random statues at every opportunity, though his victim was so deep in thought that he probably wouldn't have noticed if Hikaru danced up beside him singing '_Tamaki and Kyouya sittin' in a tree, K I S S I N G…'_

**STEP TWO: Interrogate**

MEANWHILE; KAORU…

…was given the job of questioning the Devil Himself. Herself.

Hikaru had told him that of all the people in the school, the one most able to get two people together was the one, the only…

"Eh…Renge-san?"

Renge spun and looked suspiciously at Kaoru. The redhead fidgeted. _Damn Hikaru! Why did he always get out of the hardest tasks?_

"What do you want, Hitachiin?" She asked, imperiously.

"Erm…well…" Now _this_ was an awkward question to ask. "I was just wondering if you'd be willing to assist me and Hikaru with a, uh, project."

"Depends on what type of project."

"Oh…you know…" Kaoru scrambled desperately for the right wording. "Just a little…_matchmaking,_ I suppose…"

Renge's eyes gleamed madly. "Always happy to oblige my friends!" she practically purred. "Now, who are the victi- uh, parties involved in this…matchmaking?"

**STEP THREE: Eavesdrop**

Tamaki fidgeted, twisting the hem of his shirt between his fingers. Fifth period was a free for him, and he had walked into town on a whim, only to realize that walking back would not be quick enough. He had called Kyouya to pick him up in time for Sixth Period, and he hoped that the other would hurry.

As he lounged outside a little café, he hummed tunelessly and wondered if the glass chandeliers in them music room had been replaced yet.

Suddenly, a long black car screeched to a halt on the street, and a disgruntled Kyouya rolled down the driver's window. "Get in, you idiot, and hurry. The period ends in five minutes."

Tamaki's face burst into a beaming smile of joy and gratefulness. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" He gushed, jumping into the car. "How can I ever repay you? Name your demand. Half my kingdom!"

"Hmm." Came the sarcastic response. "Next time don't wander into town without telling anybody."

"Of course! Anything for mummy!"

Hidden in the trunk with an ear pressed to the side, Hikaru stifled a gag/laugh. It was so painfully sugar-coated, like everything with Tamaki. He wanted to throw up from the overload of _kawaii_ and cackle from the ridiculous exchange.

**STEP FOUR: Depart**

Kyouya slammed the door and the bubbling voice of Tamaki and the other's dry remarks became even more muffled and faint. Hikaru waited until he could no longer hear them, and cautiously lifted the trunk lid.

No one in sight.

He lightly jumped to the ground, and brushed himself off. Suddenly, the lid of the trunk was slammed down loudly, and he yelped and fell over. Looking up, he saw Kaoru grinning down at him, hands on his hips.

"You know…you're sexy when you're all shocked and jumpy like that."

"Shut up."

Kaoru extended a hand, and his twin grabbed it, hauling himself up. Hikaru dusted himself off. Kaoru looked at him expectantly. "Well? Did they confess their love to each other yet?"

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "You don't get it. It's a slow process. Delicate." He nodded.

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "In any case, I have…enlisted the services of Miss. Renge in your –our- plan."

Hikaru brightened. "Excellent work, Agent."

"I'm still not sure if it was the best idea."

Hikaru brushed his doubts aside. "What could possibly be bad?"

Kaoru decided he needed some Commoner Coffee, and fast. His nerves were at breaking point.

**STEP FIVE: GATHER**

Renge, Hikaru, and Kaoru were huddled in a corner of the library, sending death glares at anyone who came close and planning plans and plotting plots.

Renge had in her hand, a note -suitably crumpled and written on lilac paper that _did_ seem the sort of thing Tamaki would use- addressed to 'Mother'. She had, somehow, managed for it to be written in Tamaki's own hand writing. Kaoru _almost_ wanted to ask if there was a professional forger in the school, but on second thought he didn't.

Some things should remain secret. The last thing he wanted to find out was that _Haruhi_ had written it.

Because the note that Renge had obtained was a sort of giggly, 'meet-me-at-midnight' type of thing that was_ Tamaki to the core_ but that Kyouya probably wouldn't handle without rubber gloves and disinfectant.

The maniacal girl smiled and waved her prize. "I'll give this to Kyouya-sama" –high, giggle at the name- "through secretive, unobvious means, of course, and then you two can keep careful watch on Location and _be sure to film anything you see._" The last sentence was uttered with a steel blade hidden between the words, and both twins immediately felt that death would await them if the plan worked and they retrieved no evidence, or fan-fodder.

Hikaru took the note from her delicately. "Are you sure Kyouya will come within even twenty feet of this thing?" he asked.

Renge cackled. "Of course he will. He's a businessman. He'll be looking for gossip and once he sees it's from Tamaki…he'll have no choice but to obey the whims of his love!"

That was a little overstated, but fine; if Renge thought it would work, why not.

"Do you have the other one?"

Renge now produced a sterilized note on grey paper. In contrast to 'Tamaki's' it was crisp and short.

Hikaru took that one, too, and examined it. "You, Renge-san, are quite genius," he said, admiring the perfect notes.

**STEP SIX: PLANT**

Renge floated –yes, floated- down the hall. The note was wrapped around her finger, and as she passed the window where Kyouya was doing something probably important on his Blackberry, she let it uncurl and drift to the ground.

And she floated away to the next column over, swooped silently behind it, and waited.

Kyouya frowned at the tiny screen, then turned off the device and put it in his pocket. He turned. He began to walk and- saw a purple thing on the ground.

Renge would see the gears turning in his head. The tall dark teen bent down and scooped up the paper, unfolding it carefully.

She watched as his expression turned to one of surprise, to confusion, and finally, to irritation.

It all happened lightning fast and the hidden ninja behind the column saw it all. She tried not to let out a cackle of wild triumph, and let herself slowly and secretly stroll away.

**STEP SEVEN: OBSERVE**

Kaoru yawned. Hikaru glared at him. "Shh." He hissed.

Kaoru rubbed his eyes. God, he was tired. It was two minutes to midnight, according to the clock tower that was visible above the trees. And Kyouya was _very _punctual.

Suddenly, there was movement, and the Ootori walked around the corner, into the courtyard. Hikaru and Kaoru simultaneously slid down out of sight.

The tall teen walked up and down for a few seconds, then glanced at his watch. The hidden pair could see the glow of the luminescent screen against his pale face.

Kyouya gave a sigh of impatience.

There was rustling, and suddenly, there was Tamaki, skipping slightly around the bushes and then stopping, hands on hips, looking at Kyouya expectantly.

"Look, Tamaki, what's all this about? What do you want?"

Tamaki opened his mouth, then halted, puzzled. "Wait- you dropped me a note saying _you_ wanted me here."

"No; you sent _me_ a note, telling me to meet me here. That girl, Renge, dropped it by me. Quite obviously, too, I may say. Next time you want to be discreet about something, get a better carrier."

"I did not-" suddenly a light came to Tamaki's eyes. "Wait; yes. I did send you a note."

Kaoru frowned in the bush. This was unexpected. Hikaru was trying not to burst into laughter. Tamaki was making everything a hundred times better. The redhead steadied the camera he had with him and trained it on the two in the courtyard. He was ready.

Tamaki moved subtly closer to the other, smiling. "I just…wanted to tell you…"

Kyouya seemed to be stuck in place by some unearthly power of the Lord of the Host Club's deep blue-violet eyes. "Y-yes?"

It was the first time Hikaru or Kaoru had ever heard Kyouya stumbled over a word. Hikaru tried not to squeal. He let out a soft squeak instead. Kaoru looked at his twin, pityingly. Really, Hikaru could be so _ridiculous_ at times.

Tamaki reached up and placed a delicate hand on the taller man's shoulder. His eyes were melting in that way that made girls faint and got straight-as-hell guys to turn gay in three seconds flat.

There was a reason why Tamaki was the head of the club; he was pretty damn good at what he did.

Kyouya felt that something was happening that he would regret later, but for now he didn't really care; it was midnight, he was half-asleep, and _god, Tamaki…_

Hikaru was practically rolling around in little circle behind the bush. His eyes had taken on the scrunched up gleeful look of the fangirls that generally trailed behind the host club.

XD

Kaoru took the camera from his twin, and snapped a picture of Tamaki and Kyouya _almost hugging._ That alone would render Renge inarticulate from joy.

Then Tamaki stood up on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around the other's neck. And everything went to hell.

The tall dark haired teen suddenly stiffened, and tried to move away. "Tamaki," he deadpanned, eyes behind his glasses blank, "what did you want to tell me?"

Tamaki shook his head pityingly. Poor Kyouya; he really was clueless, wasn't he? "Just…this." He kissed Kyouya softly on the other's puzzled lips.

_Click._

Kaoru was having a field day. He could already see all the profits they were going to rake in with _this._

Hikaru was losing it, though. The Hitachiin was wriggling around in the strangest fashion.

Kaoru looked at him. "What's _wrong _with you?" he hissed.

"Oh, Kaoru, do you have _no_ romantism at _all?_"

Kaoru sighed, shook his head, and took more pictures for Renge.

Kyouya, meanwhile, was having a minor issue of _not really knowing what was happening to him at the moment. _

Tamaki had just _kissed him,_ or at least, that was what his body was telling him. His brain was still being cynical about the whole thing.

Tamaki smiled again then, and suddenly Kyouya's brain got stepped on by a small minor demon that laughed at him and grabbed the reigns. This vicious demon moved Kyouya forward, and then...

There was a rustling, and a giggling, and a girl and a boy burst around the corner, looking all soppily at each other, and holding hands coquettishly.

They didn't even notice the two teens in a half-embrace standing there; they just spun through and were gone.

But their appearance seemed to have broken the spell that the ever-enticing Tamaki had woven around the setting. Kyouya stepped hurriedly away, then noticing Tamaki deflate slightly; he reached out and put an arm around the other. "Tamaki…let's go back to the school. It's getting late. He pulled the blonde in a little bit to his side, and, with Tamaki's adoring gaze on his still, they walked slowly back up to the building.

Hikaru let out the sigh/scream/squeal that he had been holding.

Kaoru smiled. He had to admit, the two were rather cute; the surprisingly awkward Kyouya, and the suave and sweet Tamaki.

From behind the bushes on the other side, the twins could hear the other pair that had burst in on the scene giggling and whispering.

Hikaru looked sideways at Kaoru, a devilish light suddenly in his eyes. "Seems like a night for lovers," he purred.

Kaoru looked at him quickly. "Hikaru…?" a blush spread up his cheeks.

"You are too adorable when you're shy, Kaoru," Hikaru said, softly, taking the other's chin in his hand.

"Oh, Hikaru…" Kaoru closed his eyes and turned his head sideways. "I-I don't…"

"Don't be embarrassed, my love…there's a full moon out…"

Well, technically, it was a quarter moon, but Hikaru was never one to waste time on trivial details.

* * *

Oh god, I had no idea how I was going to end this. I like how it turned out, anyways.

This was so much fun to write...I might do more Ouran in the future...*cackles*


End file.
